


Texting Mycroft Holmes

by TeaNToast



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: 95 percent of this is in text messages, But Mycroft needs a foil, Epistolary, Fluff, Happy Ending, M/M, Obligatory 'you are so clever but so stupid' line, Secret Admirer, Sorry Greg - u r drunk/childish/an idiot in this, Texting, do not copy to another site, lighthearted bit of nonsense, mystrade
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-23
Updated: 2019-08-23
Packaged: 2020-08-20 17:27:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20231611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeaNToast/pseuds/TeaNToast
Summary: Mycroft Holmes has a secret admirer... with his phone number (but yes, of course it is Greg)."6.12am (G)Actually...I’m making tea.Pyramid bagged cos I am feeling posh.6.13am (M)Tea in a bag? Oh dear, oh dear.6.13am (G)You are disappointed in me. I am a tea failure.6.14am (M)It is mildly distressing, yes.6.14am (G)Worse still…I have it ‘builders’ (v strong, loads of sugar), in a mug! a CHIPPED mug!6.15am (M)You are a disgrace to the flag. I am rethinking this entire acquaintance.6.15am (G)Dumped over my poor tea habits. Wouldn’t be the first time. "





	1. Prologue - Boiling the frog.

**Author's Note:**

> This was written as an experiment in writing purely in text exchanges, no context, no thought processes etc. After scene setting, I almost managed it. It wasnt meant to be shared. However, it was fun to write and I have never written anything Mystradey before, so I offer it to you as a light, fluffy piece of nonsense.  
FYI - I am fuzzy on the whole 'rating' thing, I think this is T rated, but I could be wrong (Myc obeys the rating system of course, Greg tries to push the boundaries). If you think it should be M, do let me know.
> 
> PS This hasn't been beta'd, I started it at 8pm and finished at 5am. It took so long because the formatting (which looks ok on a laptop but chaotic hell on a phone) nearly killed me, so if you don't like the 'left - right' style - please don't tell me :)

Greg is sitting at his kitchen table, home at last after a late-night collar and celebratory drinks ‘til nearly dawn.  
His head in his hands, with a pint of water at his elbow in a pre-emptive strike against the impending hangover, Greg scratches his fingernails through his hair absentmindedly.  
His tired mind follows a well-trodden path, calming and reassuring in its familiarity, but frustrating in its futility. Until...

“Bugger it. Wasting my life daydreaming. Just do it. Fed up with twisting myself into knots over this.  
If John had the balls to confess to Sherlock, I can do the same to Mycroft, can’t I? It can’t go any worse, surely? And it worked out for them so...it is _possible_ to have a relationship with a Holmes. It _can_ happen._  
_Hang on, think Greg. You haven’t slept and have been drinking for hours, maybe not the best time to be making a decision like this? Nope, shut up brain, I’m doing this.

The problem is...how to do it?

Go to his office and blurt it out? Nah, he'd clam up, go into his routine, his God-damn sexy, authority routine, all cold stares, raised eyebrows and voice of treacled mocking. Mmm maybe...no, no, tempting but it wouldn't work. I'd be ushered out of the building and reassigned to traffic duty in the blink of a gorgeous, grey eye.

Ok so… what? Ask John to drop some hints for me? Bribe Anthea to put in a good word? FFS Greg, really? The old ‘my mate fancies you’ tactic? This isn’t the playground, you're not twelve!

Um, write him a letter? Nah, I’m hardly Shakespeare and he has people to open his mail I expect, checking for letter bombs and similar.

So, not in person, not via a mate, not a letter but... I could text him? It's ridiculous but maybe... I do have his phone number, his private, secret number. Shouldn’t have it a'course, John swore me to secrecy, emergencies only, no one is supposed to have his number, let alone use it. But...

Ok, right. Text it is. How to phrase it? He won’t believe it at first, then he’ll freak out probably; quietly, internally, a ‘Holmesian’ freak out. He’ll react that way finding out anyone fancies him I imagine, but doubly so, knowing it’s me.

I could...soften the blow a bit?  
Let him get used to the idea that _someone_ likes him, and then, when he has acclimatised to that bombshell, let him know it's me. Boil the frog slowly so it doesn’t jump out of the pot?__  
Might work, I don’t have a better idea. But keep it light, yeah? Easy, playful, you are good at that.  
Then if it all goes pear-shaped, you can say you were drunk or just acting on a whim.

Ok yeah, text him then, but hide your number, just in case. Flirt at him a bit, test the waters... if the secret service doesn’t break down your door and wrestle the phone from your grip, you might be in with a chance.

Right, deep breaths.  
Have I drunk too much to do this now?  
Its 6am, he'd be up already, just as I am finally getting to bed.  
I've drunk too much. Do it later.

Nah fuck it, do it now...


	2. It is a criminal offence to even have this number.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> OK so Greg is on the left, Myc is on the right.  
I swear this looks ok on a laptop, but on a phone its all squished and awful. Apologies.

6.03am.  
Good morning, gorgeous.

11.21pm.  
Goodnight, you handsome devil x

* 

6.10am.  
Hope you slept well, sweetheart.

6.11am  
My apologies, but you have the wrong number.

6.11am  
I don’t think I do... Mr Holmes.

6.12am.  
This is not Sherlock Holmes' phone.  
Kindly desist from contacting this number.

6.12am.  
Why would you assume I thought this was Sherlock’s phone?  
I was hoping this was the number of the cleverer, better dressed, better looking of the Holmes brothers...

6.13am.  
Who is this?

6.13am.  
That would be telling.

6.15am.  
You realise it is a criminal offence to even have this number?

6.15am.  
Oooh, does that mean I’m a bad boy?

6.15am.  
If you are an employee, you will be severely reprimanded for this misuse of official equipment.

6.15am.  
Reprimanded eh? Will you see to this 'reprimanding' personally?

6.17am.  
I will no longer respond to these messages.  
This number will be changed.  
Do not contact me again.

6.17am.  
Shame. I was hoping we could be friends.  
Have a good day, Mr Holmes.

11.07pm  
Do you mind me saying you looked ever so good today? Blue suits you.

11.07pm.  
This is harassment.

11.07pm.  
Oh hello...didn't change your number then?

11.08pm  
I was inordinately busy today.  
It will be changed tomorrow at the earliest opportunity.  
In the meantime I will not respond to these messages.  
Goodbye.

11.08pm  
Harassment? I suppose you are right.  
Reading it back if I received these texts, I would be annoyed too. Sorry.  
Didn’t mean to be creepy, just ‘mysterious’

11.15pm  
Tell you what, you don’t have to respond, but if you read my messages, I will keep sending them.  
If you don’t open them, I will stop.  
How’s that sound? Deal?

11.20pm  
You opened that. So it’s a deal, yeah?

11.22pm  
You opened that too. It's a deal.

11.22pm  
Sleep well, Mycroft x

*

6.02am  
Good morning, cutie.

11.50pm  
I hope you are tucked up in bed, it's very late.  
I'm snuggled down, in the dark, wanting to talk to you.  
That's a good thing, isn't it?  
Having someone who wants to talk with you  
last thing at night? Not so lonely?

11.51pm  
I know… you're not lonely.  
Night night x

*

6.10am  
Good morning, angel.

11.17pm  
Goodnight, sweetie x

*

6.32am  
Morning, gorgeous.

14.15pm  
God you look sexy today… what you do to waistcoats…

11.02pm  
Hope the flight went smoothly. Swish hotel?

11.06pm  
Stop this.

11.06pm  
Hello again. Talking to me now?

11.07pm  
I am asking you – nicely, and for the last time – to leave me alone.

You have been warned.

11.08pm  
You really want me to?

11.08pm  
I do.

11.09pm  
Oh. Ok. Shit. Sorry.

11.26pm  
I thought you'd have had me arrested by now if you didn’t want me to message you...  
I took my freedom as encouragement.  
I will leave you alone.  
Sorry.

11.31pm  
Apology accepted.  
Now answer me this... why did you mock me in this manner? Who put you up to it?

11.32pm  
God, Mycroft I wasn’t mocking you. And nobody put me up to anything.  
I like you.  
You are clever and unusual and erudite and witty (when you want to be) and so gorgeous.  
I like you Mycroft, and I wanted you to know even if I wasn’t brave enough to tell you to your face.  
But I obviously went about it the wrong way and I am sorry.

11.34pm  
Utter nonsense.  
I could easily find out who you are, you know.  
One word to my people and I would know everything about you.

11.35pm  
Where is the fun in that?  
Besides, you could have done it already, but you haven’t, have you.

11.36pm  
I think you must be mad.

11.36pm  
… just because I find you attractive?

11.37pm  
Most people would say so.

11.37pm  
Most people are idiots.

11.38pm  
I cannot argue with you on that point.

11.39pm  
I won’t contact you again I promise.  
But it's been nice, talking with you. Well, at you anyway.  
If you ever want to chat, I’m here.  
I know you don’t chat, but you know what I mean.  
Goodnight, Mycroft x

11.40pm  
I won’t pretend that it wasn’t a diversion.  
I don’t believe a word of what you said, however.  
Goodbye.


	3. Cute enough to warrant attention

6.01am  
Good morning.

6.01am  
? Good morning Mycroft.  
This is unexpected...

6.02am  
After much deliberation I find I like being wished a good morning  
and a good evening, it bookends my day nicely.

6.02am  
Then I will wish you a good morning and a good evening every day, if I may?

6.05am  
You may.  
So long as all other text is kept to a strict 'suitable for work' context.

6.05am  
Right you are. No shenanigans. SFW…here I go…  
“Have a productive day Mr Holmes,  
I wish you success in your day’s endeavours and  
we shall reconvene at 11pm for your good night”.

6.06am  
Thank you er... I take it you won’t tell me your name?

6.06am  
Nope. Can’t risk it.  
What if I accidentally tell you how much I want you... I might lose my job.  
Or my head.

6.06am  
SFW remember?

6.07am  
Ooops, see? I can’t give you my name. Too dangerous.  
Talk to you tonight. And thanks.

6.07am  
Until tonight.

10.57pm  
How was the big meeting?

10.57pm  
How do you know there was a big meeting?

10.57pm  
You wouldn't fly and do an overnighter for a small meeting now, would you?

10.58pm  
How did you know I was out of the country?

  
10.58pm  
Ahhh you are not the only one with sources.

10.59pm  
In all seriousness, how did you know?

  
10.59pm  
In all seriousness…I am not telling you.  
But I am not a spy or anything, honest. There must be some people who know your schedule, right?

11.00pm  
A very small number, yes.

11.00pm  
Well then. Maybe I am one of those people.  
Or I know one of those people.

11.01pm  
Hmm.

11.01pm  
So…how was your day? No specifics – just in case I am a spy!

11.02pm  
It went as well as could be expected under the circumstances.

11.02pm  
Oh dear, that badly?  
You poor thing, you must be exhausted.

11.03pm  
Quite ready for the arms of Morpheus, yes.

11.03pm  
Are you in bed already?  
Innocent enquiry I swear.

11.04pm  
I am.  
Still working on my phone but about to down tools.

11.04pm  
How you function on so little rest I will never know.

11.05pm  
I notice you are awake before 6am and after 11pm, just as I am.

  
11.05pm  
Only cos I know I can catch you in a rare moment of down time at 6 and 11.  
I’d be asleep otherwise.

11.09pm  
You seem to know an awful lot about me, which makes me think I could deduce who you are.  
Technological cheating aside.

11.09pm  
You could?

11.10pm  
There are not many people who know when I am out of the country and who are aware of my sleeping patterns. It is a very small list in actual fact.

11.10pm  
Ah. Well, maybe I am just clever.

  
11.12pm  
Maybe.  
But add the fact that you identified as male in one of our first conversations  
and the list becomes even shorter.

11.12pm  
Ah. Did I?

  
11.13pm  
You said "Oooh does that mean I am a bad boy?"

11.13pm  
Oh. So I did. Slip of the tongue/finger.

11.14pm  
Plus, you claim to have seen me on Wednesday.  
I could easily make a list of all those present  
during that day and cross reference the two lists.

11.15pm  
Bugger, you are right. I am an idiot. I’d make a crap spy.  
Don’t deduce me though, please?  
Then I won’t be able to text you anymore.

11.15pm  
Why is that?

11.16pm  
Cos you wouldn’t want anything to do with me if you knew who I was.

11.17pm  
Is that so?  
Well then, I must inform you that I have already had your identity looked into.

11.17pm  
Oh shit. Really?

11.18pm  
Naturally. If you know me at all then you know I had no choice.

11.18pm  
Oh.

11.19pm  
However, I had a colleague do the actual investigating.  
I asked them to report on whether the owner of your phone was trustworthy or a cause for concern.  
No names required.

11.19pm  
And?

11.21pm  
It was reported that you are not a cause for concern,  
and also “cute enough to warrant attention”.

11.21pm  
Ha! Cheers Anthea.  
Thanks for not looking me up yourself.  
Just let me be a secret? Please?

11.22pm  
If you insist.  
For the time being.  
Did you have a good day?

11.22pm  
Yes thanks. Quiet day at work.  
Sarnie in the park. Tube delays were a nightmare.  
Finished my book. Not a bad day at all.

11.23pm  
I am glad to hear it.  
But you have now told me that you work near a park,  
commute into the city, that your tube journey suffered delays today.  
Discovering your identity would be absurdly easy, you realise.

11.23pm  
Alright, clever clogs.  
But you won’t, will you?

11.24pm  
Very well. As I say, for the time being.  
Are you also ready for bed?

11.24pm  
I am. Snuggled down, texting in the dark. It's nice.

11.25pm  
Sleep well Mr Mysterious.

11.25pm  
Ha, I quite like that!  
Sleep well Mycroft, pleasant dreams x

11.26pm  
You as well.

11.26pm  
Oh I will.

*

6.10am  
Good morning, sweetie.

6.11am  
Good morning to you too.

6.11am  
Home today?

6.12am  
You must know I cannot reveal my schedule.

6.12am  
Course. Sorry. I will just have to hope to bump into you soon. Have a safe flight…  
whenever that is.

6.13am  
Thank you.  
Anything interesting on your horizon?

6.13am  
Nope. Paperwork today. Dull.  
But I am out tonight, catch-up with mates, so that will be good.

6.14am  
You will be out late, I presume.

6.14am  
Yeah, but I still want to wish you good night.  
It just might be badly spelled, depending on how many beers I’ve had!

6.15am  
I will take it however it comes.

6.15am

... um... SFW response =  
have a good day, Mycroft.

6.16am  
?

11.07pm  
U therre sexy?

11.07pm  
More than a couple of drinks, I gather?

11.07pm  
Noooooooo, yes. I am...bladdered.

11.08pm  
Are you home?

11.09pm  
Nope, in a bar called - no hang on, you could look me up on ccctv!  
I am at an unknown location! Being unknown!

11.09pm  
I do not wish to intrude upon your evening, I will say goodnight now.

11.09pm  
No no, don’t go, sweetheart.  
Told my mates I was just sneaking off to sext a bloke from work, it's fine.

11.10pm  
You told them what?

11.10pm  
Oops, not sext, text. We aren’t sexting.  
Which is your fault, by the way.

11.11pm  
You are inebriated.

11.11pm  
I'm wot?

11.11pm  
Drunk.

11.12pm  
Yes, I am. And you are pretty. But in the morning, I shall be sober!  
Oh wait, you'll still be pretty.  
That didn’t work...how does that Churchill quote go?

11.13pm  
= Churchill, you are drunk.  
\- Madam, you are ugly... but in the morning, I shall be sober.

11.13pm  
Yeah, I fucked that up didn’t I.  
I guess I will wish you a goood night as I don’t think I am making much sense.  
Unless you wanna rethink the sexting?

11.14pm  
You are incorrigible.  
Be sure to get a taxi home won’t you, and text someone the license number.

11.14pm  
Aren’t you sweet.  
Sweet and pretty that's what you are x

11.15pm  
Goodness, you are in a state.  
Do get home soon, while you can still remember how to get there.

11.15pm  
Sweet xx

11.46pm  
rg121mg

11.46pm  
Have you lost hand-eye coordination entirely?

11.46pm  
Ha. Ha. very funny.  
I’m not that far gone. That's the taxi license.

11.47pm  
You sent it to me?

11.47pm  
Yeah, problem?  
You said tell someone the license, so I did as I was told.

11.48pm  
Yes, of course… thank you.

  
11.48pm  
Anything else you want to order me to do, sweeetie?

  
11.49pm  
Drink a pint of water and go to bed straightaway.

11.49pm  
Yes... Sir x

12.27am  
You asleep, darlin’?

12.28am  
Hmm. How inappropriate and stalker-ish am I allowed to get in these messages before you  
set your people on me and have me thrown in the Tower?

12.28am  
Let’s see, shall we?

12.29am  
You looked so tense the other day, I could see it in your shoulders, and you kept gripping your brolly like you were trying to strangle it.  
Couldn’t stop thinking about how I could help relieve that tension…  
it involved you sitting at your big, posh desk and me kneeling in front of you.

12.31am  
Just sayin…the offer is there.

12.45am  
Can’t sleep now. Keep picturing it…


	4. Hurkle-durkling

7.15am  
Good morning.

7.15am  
Is it? Ow.

7.16am  
Slightly the worse for wear this morning?

7.16am  
Only you can sound smug in a text, Mycroft Holmes.

7.17am  
Not at all, I was honestly concerned for your wellbeing.

7.17am  
Hmm.  
Well, I drank my bodyweight in lager, lost my jacket but gained a scarf.  
So a good night, all things considered.

7.18am  
A scarf?

7.18am  
Yeah, it's all vanilla-y, the smell is making me queasy.

7.20am  
A woman’s scarf then.

7.20am  
Dunno, guess so.

7.22am  
I see.

7.22am  
See what?

7.23am  
What are you planning on doing with your weekend?

7.23am  
As little as possible.  
I may venture a shower later but that is it.  
I feel terrible.

7.24am  
Do you expect sympathy for a self-inflicted injury?

7.24am  
Yes please.

7.25am  
Tsk. Poor you.

7.25am  
That it?

7.25am  
Yes.

7.26am  
Well, I admit my hopes weren't high.  
Thank you for trying, that was sweet of you.

7.26am  
There is that word again.

7.26am  
Eh?

7.26am  
Scroll back.

7.30am  
Oh no. Texting you drunk, that's a new low.  
I'm so sorry.

7.30am  
No need to apologise.  
I realise you were not yourself.

7.30am  
Well…I was, just a more sozzled version.  
…Doesn’t mean I didn’t mean what I said.

07.33am  
You honestly expect me to believe that you were in your right mind when you said  
what you did regarding my desk?

07.33am  
Um…yes?  
I am sorry if this is overstepping the SFW mark again but every time I see you it honestly takes all my concentration not to fall to my knees in front of you.  
Every single time.

07.34am  
You realise I have CCTV in my office?  
My desk is observed.

07.34am  
Mmmm I know.

07.35am  
There is a possibility you have suffered alcohol poisoning.

07.35am  
Don’t do that.  
Accept it. I like you.  
I…think about you.

7.36am  
May we change the subject?

7.36am  
Ok.  
What are you up to today?

7.36am  
Work.

7.36am  
Mycroft, its Saturday.  
You won’t work all day, surely?

7.37am  
Most of it.  
Although I will go for a run if I have the time.

7.37am  
You run? I didn't know that.

7.38am  
I do.  
I even have an outfit for it...  
black lycra, rather fitted.

7.38am  
Vvjdisbwyxiejfk!

7.38am  
What was that?

7.38am  
Did you do that on purpose?

7.39am  
Do what, exactly?

7.39am  
Just describe yourself to me dressed in tight black lycra.

7.40am  
It was a statement of fact, that is my outfit.

7.40am  
You DID do that on purpose!  
Are you...flirting with me, Mycroft Holmes?

7.40am  
Certainly not.  
It is possible I was trying to distract you from your hangover.

7.41am  
Well it worked.

7.41am  
Good. Enjoy your Saturday.

7.41am  
Thanks. Enjoy your run...  
send me a selfie when you've finished?

7.44am  
Why on earth?  
I’ll be all panting and sweaty.

7.45am  
Ohhh you are killing me!

7.46am  
I don’t know what you mean.

7.46am  
Liar.

11.00pm  
Reporting for goodnight duty.

11.00pm  
Hello. How are you feeling now?

11.00pm  
Much better thanks. Did you get any free time today?

11.01pm  
Some. Had a run and managed to make a real meal for a change.

11.01pm  
Good. What did you make?

11.01pm  
Sea bass on grilled vegetables.

11.01pm  
Sounds lovely. Is there anything you can’t do, Mycroft?

11.02pm  
Innumerable things I assure you.

11.02pm  
Such as?

11.04pm  
I cannot keep plants alive.  
I am the kiss of death to anything green.

11.04pm  
Is that all?

11.05pm  
It's a real problem.  
My plants just keep dying, no matter how much attention I give them.

11.06pm  
So that's who is getting your attention?  
I’ve never been jealous of a houseplant before.  
If I paint myself green and look sickly will I have a better chance with you?

11.07pm  
You are ridiculous.

11.07pm  
You’re not the first to say it.  
Are you tucked up now?

11.08pm  
I am. Pyjamaed and sleepy.

11.08pm  
Pyjamas? Shame.

11.09pm  
There is nothing shameful about my pyjamas.

11.09pm  
How can you wear pjs and not end up boiling hot and tangled?

11.09pm  
You are not a fan, I take it.

11.10pm  
Nope, can't stand ‘em, I wriggle too much for pjs.  
I always wake up at 2am, tied up and a sweaty mess.

11.10pm  
Do you indeed?

11.11pm  
Yup.  
Prefer to sleep the way God intended.  
In the nuddy.

11.12pm  
If God were real, they would definitely be a pyjamas person.  
It is more dignified.

11.12pm  
Well, not me.

11.13pm  
Understood.

11.14pm  
Ugh I am so tired.  
Am I getting old or are hangovers lasting longer these days?

11.14pm  
I don’t know...how old are you?

  
11.15pm  
Ha! Not falling for that one. No clues Mycroft!

11.15pm  
Worth a try.

11.16pm  
I am dozing off, sorry. Goodnight pyjamaed one.  
Sleep well. I hope Sunday is more restful than Saturday was for you x

11.17pm  
Goodnight…you.

*

9.14am  
Rise and shine, sweetpea.

  
9.15am  
Good morning.  
As it happens, I have been up a good while, it is you who were hurkle-durkling.

9.15am  
I was not!  
Hang on...what's hurkle-durkling?

9.16am  
Lying in bed long after the time one should have risen.

9.17am  
Oh. I thought you meant...something else.  
Anyway, I was not. Its Sunday, no place to be, I do not have to be up.  
Why were you up so early?

9.18am  
There are some affairs that need my consideration.

9.18am  
Oh FFS, can’t they do without you for a few measly hours?  
You have to have some down time.  
Its Sunday morning!

  
9.20am  
I don’t mind.  
I wouldn't know what to do with myself if I wasn’t working. The day would just stretch out endlessly before me.

9.23am  
Oh for goodness sake, you've forgotten how to relax!  
If I were with you, we would be making breakfast (something fun, like pancakes)  
and then lazily eating them, outside in the sunshine,  
then we'd walk out in the countryside  
and stop for a drink at a cute little pub  
and we'd read together all tangled up on the sofa  
and then we'd disagree good-naturedly about  
a film to watch, which we'd then fall asleep halfway through.  
That is what Sundays are for.  
Well, that and some stuff that isn't 'suitable for work' so I won’t mention it.

9.25am  
That sounds very pleasant.

9.25am  
It would be, darlin'.

10.19pm  
Hey. How is my gorgeous workaholic?

10.19pm  
If you are referring to me, I am well.

10.19pm  
Good. How was your Sunday?

10.20pm  
I cleared up some paperwork, had a conference call, did some exercise.

10.20pm  
Do I get another description of you in figure hugging sportswear?

10.21pm  
Do you require one?

10.21pm  
Of course.

10.22pm  
You are incorrigible.

10.22pm  
You've called me that before.

10.23pm  
It is an apt descriptor for you.

10.23pm  
Maybe. Want to know what I did today?

10.24pm  
I am all ears.

10.24pm  
I hurkle-durkled, procrastinated, dillydallied, loafed, lolled, lounged and piddle-pottered.

10.25pm  
You did nothing?

10.25pm  
Not at all, it was a jam-packed schedule of being busy doing nothing…  
working the whole day through…trying to find lots of things not to do.

10.26pm  
Dear Lord, are you trying to sneak Bing Crosby lyrics into our conversation?

10.26pm  
You spotted that?  
Ten points to you, smarty-pants.

10.26pm  
You did nothing at all?

10.26pm  
Well...I may have done 'something', but as its NSFW I won’t mention it.

10.29pm  
As your friend I am obliged to hear anything you wish to tell me.  
Suitable or not.

10.29pm  
We are friends now?

10.30pm  
If the category is alright with you.

10.30pm  
It is, it definitely is.  
Beats ‘stalker’ anyway.

10.30pm  
I never considered you a stalker.

10.31pm  
Sure about that?

10.32pm  
Well, maybe at first I was unsure.

10.32pm  
S’fair enough. I would have thought the same.  
Um...so I am allowed to be NSFW now?

  
10.33pm  
I will make an exception on this occasion.

  
10.35pm  
Ok, well...I had a long shower this afternoon and got a bit distracted...thinking about  
this bloke from work.

10.35pm  
You could… elucidate.

  
10.37pm  
Mmmm.  
He has got these beautiful hands you see,  
so slender, so elegant. And I couldn’t help  
thinking about him with me, in the shower,  
those long, clever fingers touching me,  
sliding over my wet skin…  
By the time I came round, the water had run cold.

10.40pm  
Too much?

10.42pm  
It's not that, it just seems... unlikely.

10.42pm  
What does?

  
10.44pm  
Somebody thinking of me in that context.

  
10.45pm  
I don’t understand you.  
How can you be so smart and yet so thick?

10.45pm  
I beg your pardon?

10.46pm  
When did you decide that clever and graceful  
and witty and erudite and beautiful and original weren’t the sexiest things ever?

10.50pm  
I never said they weren’t.  
I only question the efficacy of such terms in relation to myself.  
Apart from clever, I will accept that.

10.50pm  
Ok, so when did you decide you weren’t all these things?

10.51pm  
I wonder, sometimes, if you have met me at all.

10.51pm  
Did someone tell you that you weren't all these things?

10.52pm  
If it was your bloody brother, I will punch him right in his stupid pointy face, I swear to God.

10.54pm  
May we change the subject?

10.54pm  
No. You are brilliant, and I want you to see it.

10.57pm  
Thank you.  
You are deluded, but thank you.

10.57pm  
Stop it.  
You are wonderful.

11.00pm  
I must say goodnight now.

But you are right, his face is pointy.

11.00pm  
G’night sweetheart x

11.01pm  
Pleasant dreams.

11.01pm  
They would be if you'd sent me that selfie, I asked for x

11.03pm  
Good things come to those who wait.

11.03pm  
???!!!

11.03pm  
Goodnight.

11.03pm  
How am I going to sleep NOW?

11.04pm  
Shhhhh bedtime.

11.04pm  
*whine*.

* 

6.08am  
Ello you.

6.09am  
Good morning.

6.09am  
Whatyadoing?

6.10am  
If you must know, I am fastening my waistcoat buttons.

6.10am  
Tease.  
I’m making tea.

6.11am  
Which tea do you drink, if I may ask?

6.11am  
Why do I have the feeling you are about to know my entire history,  
exam results and my social status from what I say next?

6.12am  
I do not read tea leaves, it was merely an enquiry.

6.12am.  
Okay…PG tips.  
Pyramid bagged cos I am mega posh.

6.13am  
Tea in a bag? Oh dear oh dear.

6.13am.  
You are disappointed in me.  
I am a tea failure.  
I am a crap Englishman.  
I will hand back my passport forthwith.

6.14am.  
It is mildly distressing, yes.

6.14am  
Worse still…I have it ‘builders’ (strong, loads of sugar)

6.15am  
You are a disgrace to the flag.

6.15am  
…in a mug! A CHIPPED mug!

6.16am  
I am rethinking this entire acquaintance.

6.16am  
Dumped over my poor tea habits.  
Wouldn’t be the first time.

6.17am  
I will just have to educate you.

6.18am  
Now that sounds like fun.  
I could do with a good ‘educating’.

6.19am  
*rolls eyes and goes to work*

6.20am  
*winks and goes to work too*  
Have a good day, tea maestro.

11.02pm  
Doing a late one tonight, wanted to wish you goodnight before I go out of range.

11.03pm  
You are working very late, and are travelling? Somewhere away from signal masts?

11.03pm  
Oi! Stop deducing.

11.04pm  
This is highly frustrating, but as you wish.  
Goodnight, mysterious one.

11.04pm  
Sweet dreams, hope I'm in them. x


	5. A lie of omission

6.17am  
Secret person here.  
Wishing you a good morning from behind a potted palm, wearing dark  
sunglasses and a false beard.

6.18am  
Good morning, my secret person.

6.18am  
Yes I am.

6.19am  
Sorry – yes you are, what?

6.19am.  
Yours.

6.20am  
You have woken up in a playful mood, I see.

6.20am  
I always wanna play when I wake up,  
maybe you will find that out first-hand, one day 😉

6.21am  
Dear Lord, please do not introduce  
emojis into our discourse.

6.21am  
Not so subtly avoiding what I said?  
Transparent, Mr Holmes.

6.22am.  
Go to work, rogue.

6.22am  
😊

11.01pm  
I saw you today, up on a monitor, speechifying.

11.02pm  
Hells bells, that was shown internally?

11.02pm  
Yup. You were incredible.

11.02pm  
I was furious.

11.03pm  
Yes, I could see that, you hid it well though, no one would have guessed.

11.03pm  
You did.

11.03pm  
I'm different.

11.05pm  
Yes you are... what did you think?

11.05pm  
You mean you want a critique of your performance or  
you want to know what I was thinking as I watched you?

11.06pm  
The first one.

11.07pm  
I thought you were calm, clear and concise.  
You tolerated the idiots with aplomb and guided the audience to your way of thinking without them realising it.  
It was masterfully done, and you made it look effortless.  
I was a bit proud of you.

11.08pm  
Thank you.  
You shall be my official reviewer from now on  
... and the second thing?

11.08pm  
Um. Sure you want to know?

11.09pm  
I wouldn't have asked otherwise.

11.10pm  
Ok. Er.  
How to say it in a way you will approve of…

11.10pm  
Say what you were thinking.  
I will not take offence.

11.11pm  
Well… the two words I couldn’t get out  
of my head the whole time I was watching you were  
'intimidatingly fuckable'.

11.12pm  
I am not sure those words go together.

11.12pm  
I didn’t think so either until I saw you today.

11.14pm  
Is it ok that I was thinking that? I wouldn't have mentioned it only...  
you asked and I didn’t want to lie.

11.15pm  
It would be churlish of me to disapprove after I prised the information out of you.

11.15pm  
But is it ok? Me thinking things like that?

11.16pm  
It is most puzzling that you would, but I am unable to stop you.

11.16pm  
And if you could stop me?

11.17pm  
I would resist the temptation to do so.

11.17pm  
Why?

11.24pm  
Apologies for the delay.  
I found it difficult to phrase this correctly.

11.24pm  
No problem. Go on...  
why wouldn't you want to stop me thinking about you like this?

11.26pm  
1/4 I find I now take longer choosing my work attire each morning, wondering if you will approve of my choice of tie, the colour of my suit.

11.26pm  
2/4 I look forward to ending each day with our conversations.

11.27pm  
3/4 I find myself thinking about everything you say, looking for clues as to your identity,  
but making myself stop short of actually deducing who you are, as you requested.

11.28pm  
4/4 I realise that I am envious of the fact that you know what I look like, sound like...  
…If I knew such things about you then I could also...think about you.

11.28pm  
BRB.

11.28pm  
If this is initialism, I am unfamiliar with it.

11.36pm  
Hi. Sorry. Had to think for a moment.  
Didn’t want to blurt out something stupid.

11.36pm  
What is BRB?

11.36pm  
Oops...Be Right Back.

11.36pm  
Ah.

11.37pm  
I can’t let you know what I look like.  
I’m sorry. If I did, you'd know who I was  
and you'd have me sent to outer Mongolia or something.

11.37pm  
Nonsense.

11.38pm  
It's not nonsense, darlin.  
You’d be embarrassed, you’d act differently around me, avoid me. I couldn’t bear that.

11.38pm  
You can’t know that.

11.40pm  
I can.  
You've been around me for years,  
and you've never made any hint that you even tolerated me, let alone liked me.  
When you know who I am you will be disappointed.  
And I want to stave that off as long as possible.

11.41pm  
You said when, ‘when’ I know.

11.42pm  
Can’t keep this up forever.  
You’ll crack one day and let yourself figure out who I am. Just hope its not soon.  
I kinda like this.

11.44pm  
There is an imbalance of power here which makes me uncomfortable.  
I do not like feeling at a disadvantage.

11.44pm  
I know, I get it. Sorry.

11.54pm  
Gnight x.

*

6.17am  
Hey. You awake?

6.19am  
Good morning.

6.19am  
You ok?

6.20am  
Do you mean, am I annoyed with you for keeping up this anonymity charade?

6.20am  
Yes, that’s what I mean.

6.21am  
No, I am not. If it were up to me, I would want you to be honest.  
But it is not my decision.

6.21am  
It’s not that I am trying to be dishonest,  
I just can’t tell you everything.

6.22am  
A lie of omission is no better than a lie of commission.  
But as I say, it is your choice, I am not annoyed.

6.23am  
Sure?

6.24am  
You wish me to ‘pinky-swear’?

6.24am  
Actually, I would love ‘the great and terrible’ Mycroft Holmes to pinky-swear,  
that sounds adorable.

6.25am  
I am pinching the bridge of my nose in disbelief and despair.

6.26am  
You’re so cute, Mycroft.

6.26am  
Good God, I do hope not.

6.27am  
Have a good day, cutie.

6.27am  
Have a good day.

11.44pm  
U there Myc?

11.45pm  
Of course. Hello you.  
And I think you forgot the 'roft' at the end of Myc.

11.45pm  
Nah, I didn’t.  
U in bed hun?

11.46pm  
I am. How was your day?

11.46pm  
Ugh. Boiling. 38c.  
2 hot 2 function. Hell.

11.47pm  
It was excessively warm, I agree.  
I was forced to abandon all decorum and roll up my shirt sleeves today  
(behind closed doors, of course).

11.47pm  
O God.  
Bet u looked bloody stunning.  
Always imagined you'd have freckles on your forearms...do u?

11.48pm  
...before I respond, how do you feel about such skin damage, in general?

11.48pm.  
I love freckles. Tell me u have 'em.

11.49pm  
I do, in actual fact, suffer from freckles, yes.

11.49pm  
Bloody hell, u r perfect.

11.50pm  
Are you quite alright this evening?

11.50pm  
Yes ta. U r good yeah?

11.48pm  
I am very well, thank you.  
Why are your messages in shorthand tonight?  
Does temperature affect your ability to spell?

11.48pm  
Sorry, I’m a bit distracted tonight,  
I’ll use proper sentences for you, darlin’.

11.48pm  
It was not a criticism, I was being risible.  
What’s distracting you? Is something the matter?

11.49pm  
Nothing’s the matter, love.  
Tell me about your day, take my mind off things…

11.49pm  
What things?

11.52pm  
You are concerning me.  
What’s wrong?  
Why are you distracted?

11.53pm  
God Mycroft, you distract me.  
All the time.

11.53pm  
My apologies, I did not realise you were busy.  
Would you like me to go?

11.54pm  
No Myc, I meant – you are all I think about.  
You distract me from everything, I can’t focus on anything, except you.

11.56pm  
Oh.

11.57pm  
This is a real blind spot for you, isn’t it?  
Someone liking you, someone wanting you.

11.59pm  
I am struggling with the concept, yes.

12.00am  
I saw you today, you looked so good.  
I loved watching you, everyone was watching you,  
all of them either terrified of you or wanting you, or both, you’re  
So. Fucking. Hot. Mycroft.

12.02am  
Forgive me, but…  
have you been drinking this evening?

12.03am  
I’m not drunk, darlin', just can’t get you out of my head tonight.  
I can normally hide it, but not right now.  
I want you so much Myc, you have no idea.

12.04am  
I know I said I wouldn’t be NSFW, but it’s hard around you,  
I’m hard around you.

12.05am  
I’m not complaining, just caught off-guard.  
Not complaining.

12.06am  
I can barely think, you push everything out of my head.  
You’d blush down to your Oxfords if you knew what I think about, how I picture you,  
what you let me do to you.

12.07am  
I want to talk to you, orally, not like this.  
Let me speak to you properly, utilise the phone for its original purpose.

12.08am  
You have no idea how hard it is not to press 'call' and hear your voice right now.  
The sound of you is just like LSD; it’s addictive, dangerous, makes me think I can fly.

12.08am  
Then press ‘call’. Talk to me.

12.09am  
I would if I could disguise my voice, sweetheart.

12.09am  
I want to hear you.  
I want you to hear me.  
Do as I ask.  
Press 'call'.

12.10am  
I can hear you when I read that,  
that voice you use when you want your own way;  
all quiet and deep and dripping with authority.  
Fuck, I want you, Mycroft.

12.10am  
Press ‘call’ and I will talk to you like that.  
I’ll say anything you want.  
I don’t want to do this via a keypad anymore.

12.11am  
Jesus Myc, what you do to me,  
I want you here.

12.11am  
Tell me where you are, and I'll come to you,  
I’ll come to you right now.

12.11am  
fuck

12.12am  
If you tell me where you are…maybe we can.

12.12am  
You mean that? You want that?

12.12am  
Where are you? Let me come to you.

12.13am  
Can’t.  
Can’t tell you.  
I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean for this tonight,  
I’m a coward. I gotta go.

12.13am  
Don’t.

Please.

12.14am  
Can we pretend this didn’t happen?

12.14am  
No, we cannot.  
I cannot.

*

5.59am  
Hi.

6.01am  
Sorry.

6.05am  
Talk to me?

6.09am  
…If I promise to think about how to tell you who I am, will you talk to me?

6.11am  
Good morning.

6.11am  
Thanks gorgeous.  
I am sorry about last night, it was out of order of me to start that and then run.

6.12am  
I am not going to disagree with you.

6.13am  
I will work on not being such a pathetic chicken, I promise.  
Just give me a bit more time, yeah?

6.14am  
As you wish.

6.14am  
Thank you, Mycroft.  
You have been patient and I do appreciate it.

6.16am  
Have a good day, my secret person.

11.32pm  
Asleep yet, beautiful?

11.33pm  
Alas no, several hours ahead of me yet.

11.33pm  
Oh dear, sounds serious.

11.34pm  
Nothing that cannot be handled.

11.34pm  
Anything I can do?

11.35pm  
Such as?

11.35pm  
No idea. Stupid suggestion.

11.36pm  
A kind offer, but no, I don’t think you can do anything. I appreciate the gesture however.

11.36pm  
Okay, well, I will let you get on. Hope you get some kip soon.  
Nunnight Mycroft x

11.37pm  
Goodnight.


	6. Brighton

5.21am  
Bet I am awake first this morning.

5.22am  
Sorry to disappoint you.

5.23am  
Dammit, what are you doing up this early?

5.24am  
I have not yet been to bed.  
The question is, what are you doing up this early?

5.24am  
Charity bike ride, London to Brighton, should be fun.

5.25am  
That’s 55 miles… over the North and South Downs. Have you trained for this?

5.25am  
Concerned I’ll keel over halfway?  
Don’t worry gorgeous, I’ll be fine.

5.26am  
Which charity are you supporting?

5.26am  
There is a kids hospice near me, ‘Jamie’s Place’,  
I try and help them when I can.

5.27am  
You are quite remarkable.

5.27am  
Pfft. S’just a bike ride. Besides, I like Brighton.  
It’s a fun place to spend a weekend.

5.28am  
You are staying over?

5.28am  
Yeah probably, dance off the aches from the bike,  
meet some people, have a pint or two. Great clubs in Brighton.

5.30am  
I see.

5.30am  
See what?

5.31am  
Nothing.

5.31am  
Don’t give me that.

5.35am  
You've gone silent.

5.41am  
Hmmm. I say I am spending the night in the gay capital of England, drinking,  
clubbing and meeting people, and you go quiet.  
You jealous, sweetpea?

5.41am  
Certainly not.

5.41am  
Worried I’ll meet someone,  
have my head turned by some Sussex twink?

5.43am  
You may do exactly as you please.  
It is not my place to dictate how you spend your time.

5.44am  
Tell me you’re a little bit jealous and I promise I will be a monk all weekend.

5.45am  
Do not attempt to manipulate me.

5.45am  
Ok, didn’t mean it like that, honest. Was only teasing.

5.47am  
Enjoy your cycling.

5.47am  
Myc, come on.  
Don’t make me do this ride thinking you are mad at me.

5.48am  
If you are not too busy this evening, we can talk then.

5.48am  
I won’t be too busy.  
I'd drop everything to talk to you, you know that.

5.50am  
FYI...  
I am jealous of Anthea.

5.51am  
And your tailor.

5.53am  
And anyone who gets to be on the receiving end of your rare smiles,  
even the sarcastic ones.

5.56am  
I will admit to a degree of apprehensiveness and unjustified possessiveness  
when you told me about your plans for this evening.  
It was unreasonable of me.

5.56am  
No it wasn’t. But just so you know...  
you’ll be all I think about,  
yours will be the only face I’ll see,  
and no one will touch me.

5.57am  
That was... unexpectedly affecting.

5.57am  
And for those of us who don’t speak vague and posh?

5.58am  
I like that you won’t be ‘on the pull’ tonight.

5.58am  
And you like that you are the reason?

6.00am  
I do.

6.00am  
Good.  
Now I better shoehorn my arse into these cycling shorts and get going.  
Wish me luck, darlin’?

6.01am  
May the wind be at your back.  
I would appreciate a text to say that you have arrived unscathed.

6,01am  
Will do, love.

4.38pm  
Made it. Might be dying.

4.38pm  
What? What happened?

4.38pm  
Joking. Am fine. Just shattered.

4.39pm  
Oh. Hilarious.  
Are you able to rest for a while?

4.39pm  
Yup.  
Will go to a mate’s for a ‘disco nap’ then I’ll be as right as rain. The Downs are seriously misnamed by the way - they should be called the Ups! Speak later?

4.40pm  
Until then. Well done by the way.  
I am sure the hospice will benefit enormously from your efforts.

4.40pm  
Dunno about that, but every little helps, I guess.  
Bye babe.

4.41pm  
Babe? Dear Lord.

4.41pm  
😘

11.22pm  
You there, beautiful?

11.23pm  
How are the legs now?

11.23pm  
Less jellified thanks, a fortifying Guinness sorted them out.

11.24pm  
You are enjoying Brighton's nightlife?

11.24pm  
Yeah I guess. Nice to see the old haunts.  
We’re in Club Revenge…know it?

11.25pm  
I know of it.  
I sense a ‘but’ however...

11.25pm  
But…it’s a bit of a meat market tonight, maybe I am feeling my age, but it feels  
a bit…tacky.

11.26pm  
Surely Brighton's tackiness is part of its charm?

11.26pm  
Yeah maybe, or maybe I’m too old for this shit, as Murtaugh would say.

11.27pm  
Murtaugh?

11.27pm  
Never mind. ‘80s movie reference.  
I just want to be snuggled up on a sofa with a glass of scotch in my hand and  
my head on your shoulder, to be honest.

11.28pm  
That sounds most appealing.  
Maybe if you told me who you are we could arrange it.

11.28pm  
I want that, I really do.

11.29pm  
Well then?

11.31pm  
Not yet, darlin’. Sorry.

11.32pm  
This ‘cloak and dagger’ routine is becoming tiresome, you realise?  
You do intend on enlightening me as to your identity at some point, I hope?

11.33pm  
I did intend to tell you, once you’d got used to the fact that I existed in the abstract.  
But as time has gone on, I’ve realised I can’t.  
You would realise I’ll complicate your life, with work, with your family, you wouldn’t be  
able to disrupt everything just for me, you’d realise I’m not worth it.  
I don’t blame you, I accept that.

11.34pm  
You don’t blame me?  
How magnanimous of you –  
not blaming me for a decision you have made on my behalf.

11.34pm  
I’m sorry, but I’m not risking losing this just cos I am greedy for more.

11.35pm  
And I have no say in this?

11.35pm  
Trust me, love, please.  
It’s the only way.

11.37pm  
I am not used to being out of the loop in my own life.

11.38pm  
I know, I know. I’m sorry.  
Look, I’ll be home tomorrow, can we discuss this properly then?

11.38pm  
Is there any point?

11.38pm  
Myc, please, I can’t bear it when you are cross with me.  
I will make you understand, tomorrow.

11.39pm  
Make me?  
I am not your pet, you cannot ‘make’ me do anything.

11.40pm  
Mycroft, I realise you feel out of control in this situation. I know you aren’t used to that  
and you are uncomfortable with it. But it’s the lesser evil I promise you.

11.42pm  
I will make my own mind up regarding things that affect my own life.  
If we disagree on this point then we have a problem.  
I have been patient with this game of yours,  
but it is not a something that can continue indefinitely, surely you see that.

11.42pm  
Tomorrow my love, please.  
I can’t do this in the middle of Revenge, ok?

11.43pm  
If you insist.

*

8.43am  
Morning, sweetheart.

3.36pm  
Hey, I’m back.  
You free to talk?

5.53pm  
Hmm. Busy or mad at me?

11.26pm  
Goodnight Mycroft x

11.28pm  
Goodnight.

11.28pm  
Oh, you are there, good. You ok?

11.30pm  
Quite well, thank you.

11.30pm  
Do you wanna talk about last night?

11.32pm  
There is no need.  
I understand your position.

11.32pm  
You do?  
We can talk about this, you know.

11.34pm  
I have had a very trying day and I am exceptionally tired.  
There is nothing to discuss, as I said, I understand.

11.34pm  
Promise?

11.36pm  
Really, very tired.  
I will contact you tomorrow.

11.36pm  
Whatever you want, my love.  
Still reads like you are not ok with me though.

11.38pm  
Goodnight.

11.38pm  
Goodnight x

*

6.00am  
Good morning love, sleep well?

10.12am  
Walking past a brolly shop in Bloomsbury, makes me think of you.

1.41pm  
Nipped out for a sarnie, they only had Coronation Chicken left. No offence to the Queen but... Yuk.  
Hope your lunch is more exciting than mine.

4.30pm  
You busy today, love?

4.53pm  
Hmmm.  
Should I inform the Beefeaters and Busbies that the Government has gone AWOL?

5.10pm  
Unnecessary.

5.10pm  
Ah, there you are. Wotcha.

5.12pm  
Yes. Hello.

5.13pm  
What's wrong?

5.16pm  
Nothing is wrong.

5.16pm  
Bollocks.

5.21pm  
I assure you, I am perfectly well.

5.21pm  
Why are you lying?

5.25pm  
I am rather busy at the moment, may we continue this interrogation later?

5.25pm  
Fine. Speak to you tonight.

10.30pm  
So... what was up earlier?

10.31pm  
To what are you referring?

10.31pm  
Don’t.  
Is this about Saturday night? If not, what have I done?

10.32pm  
You have done nothing.

10.32pm  
Then, what is it?

10.33pm  
I cannot do this.

10.33pm  
Do what?

10.34pm  
This. Talk to you.  
I can’t do it anymore.

10.34pm  
What? Why not? What did I do?

10.35pm  
It is not anything you have done.

10.36pm  
Shit. Have you figured out who I am?  
Are you pissed off cos now you know you’ve been wasting your time?

10.37pm  
No. Rather the opposite.

10.37pm.  
Wha? You are pissed off cos you HAVEN'T been wasting your time??

10.37pm.  
In a manner of speaking.

10.38pm  
You are gonna have to be clearer Myc, I’m lost here.

10.40pm  
Fine.  
You were not a waste of my time.  
I could not have imagined a better way to have spent my few free hours than conversing with you. And it is because I consider my time anything but wasted that I can no longer acquiesce to the parameters you have forced upon our... whatever this was.

10.40pm  
Please Mycroft, stop using the past tense. Please.

10.41pm  
You know me and yet you won’t let me know you.  
I know how you like your tea,  
but I don’t know your name,  
I know what you wear when you sleep,  
but not the colour of your eyes.  
I know your favourite charity even,  
but not what your voice sounds like.  
I spend more time with you than anyone of my acquaintance and yet we've never met.  
It's too difficult and I will not continue like this.

10.42pm  
Mycroft. I’m sorry.

10.44pm  
Please don’t stop talking to me.

10.44pm  
I have to.  
It is not possible for me to continue.  
It is not fair to ask me to.

10.44pm  
I know, I am being unfair and selfish.  
But our alternatives are what?  
a) I tell you who I am. You are embarrassed and  
disappointed and you send me to the jungle.  
And we never speak again.

10.45pm  
b) I tell you who I am, you are polite and civil  
and we to bump into each other awkwardly forever.  
And we never speak again.

10.45pm  
c) We stop this now and we never speak again.

10.46pm  
d) We continue to have this, and we speak  
every day for a long time to come.

10.46pm  
I know which I would choose.

10.48pm  
There is another option.  
We meet and it is fine, we can speak in person, with neither of us at an advantage over the other,  
with me knowing what the person I am falling in love with actually looks like, sounds like etc.

10.49pm  
… you’re falling in love with me?

10.50pm  
No. I am not.  
How can I? You are a nebulous collection of text, you are not real.

10.50pm  
I am real, God Mycroft, I am real.  
Please, don’t end this.

10.51pm  
This? This what? We were pen-pals.  
I am not 10 years old, I do not need a pen-pal.  
I needed to meet you.

10.53pm  
If we'd met, it would have been the end of everything.

10.55pm  
And so it is.

10.55pm  
Don’t say that.

10.57pm  
Goodbye ‘whatever-your-name-is’.  
Nice to not quite meet you.

10.58pm  
No, Mycroft, please...

11.00pm  
I can fix this, I can.

11.03pm  
Please open this, don’t ignore me.

11.05pm  
I will fix this. I am so sorry.

11.10pm  
Mycroft?

DEAR SENDER. THIS NUMBER IS NO LONGER ACCEPTING TEXT MESSAGES.


	7. Speakers Corner

Private and Confidential.  
EYES ONLY  
For the attention of Mr M Holmes.  
Thames House  
Millbank  
London  
SW1

[Anthea, please pass this on without reading it first. I promise it's not a letter bomb]

Myc,

I am so sorry. Please, unblock me.

You are completely right, I have been a selfish prick, I wanted you and I wasn’t strong enough to resist starting something that I knew I couldn’t finish.

It was childish and unreasonable of me to try and keep you in this little world with me indefinitely. I am so sorry.

I know that we won’t be able to keep this going if we meet, but as you have decided to end this anyway (which I completely understand, hate but understand) ... I guess we can meet.

But please, Mycroft, please, don’t let me see the disappointment in your face, please be kind when you tell me it's impossible to continue, now that you know who I am. I promise I won’t make a scene, but just... be gentle yeah?

Unblock me, let me tell you where to meet me?

Love Always,

Your secret person.

PS. I heard that Jamie's Place had an anonymous donation - "doubling any funds raised by the London to Brighton bike ride, as a gesture of support for the charity and the efforts of its riders". I know the fundraising manager, they showed me the email from the ‘anonymous’ donor.  
That was kind of someone, very kind. Wish I could thank them in person. Hope they know how much it meant to me.

*

11.00pm  
You there?

11.02pm  
Yes.

11.02pm  
Thank you, sweetheart.

11.03pm  
You said we were to meet?

11.03pm  
Yes, Myc, whatever you want.

11.04pm  
When?

11.04pm  
Tomorrow? 7pm?

11.06pm  
Where?

11.06pm  
Hyde Park, Speakers Corner?

11.08pm  
Fine.

11.08pm  
I realise you are pissed off Myc, but this is kind of a big deal for me,  
I am walking into the lion’s den here, be nice to me, eh?

11.10pm  
Yes. You are right.  
Thank you for agreeing to meet with me.

11.10pm  
Whatever you want darlin’, but this isn't going to end well.

11.11pm  
You keep saying that.  
What, honestly, do you imagine is going to happen?

11.15pm  
Honestly?  
We will meet, you will understand why I kept myself away, we will share an  
embarrassed smile and you will say  
"I realise now you were right, this is not possible, thank you for your time",  
you will shake my hand and walk away.  
And I will suddenly find that my work has changed,  
or my office location has changed,  
and quite subtlety you and I will never be in the same room ever again.  
And I will no longer see your face, or hear your voice, and it will kill me.  
It will kill me.

11.17pm  
I cannot tell you that you are wrong,  
you have more data regarding this situation than I.  
But I cannot envisage a scenario where I would allow that to happen.  
You aren’t a foreign spy, are you?  
Or a uni student on work experience?  
You aren’t the PM, are you?

11.17pm  
No. Of course not.

11.18pm  
Thank God. That last one would have been insurmountable.  
And nauseating.

11.20pm  
But what if I’m… the excessively chirpy chap who brings the post, or  
the foreign office git who sucks his tea through his teeth,  
or the pleb of a police officer who argues the toss over every case you need to cloak,  
or the snarky royal aide who won’t keep the corgis off your suit trousers?

11.21pm  
It is of no matter to me if you are any of these,  
it is you I want to meet, you I want to speak to, to see, to hear.

11.23pm  
Ok. But remember I said it was a bad idea.

11.23pm  
I will make a note of it.

11.24pm  
Tomorrow then?

11.24pm  
Tomorrow.

11.59pm  
Mycroft...I will miss you.  
I wish this could have gone on longer. A lot longer.  
Until tomorrow.

*

6.47pm  
Mycroft? Its John.  
Can you come to 221b? Like, now?

6.47pm  
Dr Watson, is this truly urgent?  
I have a rather pressing engagement this evening.

6.48pm  
Mycroft, please, he needs you.

6.48pm  
Very well.

6.49pm  
I am sorry but I am unable to meet.  
Something has come up. I apologise.

6.50pm  
Mycroft? What's happened?  
Is this you chickening out on me?

6.50pm  
Not at all. I am required elsewhere, urgently.  
I am sorry.

6.50pm  
A last minute reprieve.  
OK. We can do this another time. Good luck with your urgent thing.

6.50pm  
Thank you.

6.52pm  
John, I am in the area...fancy a pint?

6.54pm  
Sure mate, pick me up yeah?  
Just have to deal with a Sherlock crisis first,  
shouldn’t take long.

6.54pm  
Great. It's a 15min walk to yours from here,  
what’s Sherlock done this time?

6.55pm  
Ugh. Explain later, with alcohol.

[Greg arrives at 221b to find Mycroft there with John and Sherlock. He should have known the only ‘urgent thing’ that could have dissuaded Mycroft from meeting this evening, was his brother. Greg hangs back, watching Mycroft and Sherlock go into one of their little routines. Sherlock is in his room, refusing to come out, even for John, and Mycroft is pacing up and down, trying to speak to him through the door.]

"You are being infantile Sherlock, open this door this instant."

"No one asked you to stick your nose in, Mycroft."

"Yes, actually, John did. Now grow up and open this door."

"I will do no such thing. Go away."

"I do not have the time or the inclination to pander to your theatrics Sherlock, I do have something I should be doing right now, something of immense importance."

"Please! The bakery shut an hour ago."

"Do not mock me Sherlock, you have no idea what I have left to be here, no idea at all."

"The Home Secretary needs a nappy change, does he?"

"No, actually this was of great...personal significance."

"Oh, you were meeting Mummy."

"I was not."

"Then what?"

"None of your business, Sherlock."

"Fine. You brought it up, brother dear."

"Are you honestly going to hide in there all evening?"

"Until I get my way, yes."

[Greg decides he cannot wait any longer. He pulls his phone from his pocket and takes a deep breath.]

7.19pm  
Hey gorgeous.  
I love that suit on you. It hugs at you beautifully.

7.19pm  
What? I'm not at Speakers Corner, remember?  
Stop ogling random men in suits this instant.

7.21pm  
I hope Sherlock keeps teasing you, you are so sexy when you are angry.

7.21pm  
…where are you?

7.22pm  
I will give you a clue darlin'...  
I am not Sherlock, I am not John,  
…that narrow it down for you?

7.22pm  
Out.

7.22pm  
What?

7.23pm  
Leave, Detective Inspector.

7.23pm  
Myc?

7.24pm  
Now.

7.24pm  
Fuck.  
I did tell you this was a bad idea.  
Goodbye Mycroft, sorry.

7.32pm  
Where are you?

7.33pm  
“Out. Leave. Now”.  
I'm walking to the tube.

7.33pm  
Turn around and return to Baker Street.

7.34pm  
Fucks sake Mycroft, make up your mind.

7.34pm  
You misunderstood, Detective Inspector.

7.35pm  
“Out. Leave. Now”.  
Seemed pretty clear to me.

7.35pm  
I was abrupt, I apologise.  
I could not enter into a long communication as I was dealing with my idiot sibling.  
I merely meant for you to leave the flat so we could do this without an audience.

7.36pm  
Oh. You wanna talk?

7.36pm  
No.

7.37pm  
Bloody hell Mycroft. If you are making me trudge back  
to Baker St just so you can give me a proper ticking off then I will pass, ta.

7.38pm  
I don’t want to talk...I want to kiss you.

7.38pm  
On my way gorgeous, can’t text...running xx

*

6.03am  
Good morning beautiful.

6.03am  
Good morning...Gregory.

6.04am  
Yesterday was brilliant.

6.04am  
It was undeniably wondrous, yes.

6.04am  
Thanks though.

6.04am  
For?

6.05am  
For not legging it when you realised the bloke you had been texting was  
the shabby, greying copper in the ‘high st suit’ who sometimes  
drops his haitches.

6.05am  
You are describing Columbo,  
not the dashing, quite unfeasibly handsome Dt. Insp Lestrade.

6.06am  
Still, thanks.

6.07am  
It is I who should be thanking you.  
You orchestrated this entire affair, and I am very grateful.  
Bemused but grateful.

6.08am  
We can discuss who is bemused and who is thankful later, it's too early  
for competitive appreciation.  
Where are you right now?

6.08am  
Making tea.  
Correctly.  
Leaves not bags.

6.08am  
Ah. Bring me one up, will you?  
Can’t bear to leave your bed just yet.

6.08am  
Of course my love. Be right there x

****


End file.
